there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If its not for food we ain't going out.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
