goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
