do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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