i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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