Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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