i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
