When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize