No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
