hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You pole danced in your parka.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
