she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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