You're my little dorito
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
