I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
