My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
