mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
