its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
