All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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