Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize