ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
