I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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