areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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