So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
