If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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