She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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