Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
