you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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