Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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