i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize