'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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