i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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