Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize