I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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