So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
