I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
