Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am available for nakedness
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize