We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
