Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
