adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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