The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
