I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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