I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize