I just cut my nipple shaving
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We are all done wearing pants today
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