Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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