hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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