its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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