just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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