I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
