FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
