he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I deserve this hangover.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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