Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
