i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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