i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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