She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
