I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
