He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
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