I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we made out on top of his cat.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
