I accidentally burped into my bong.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
