He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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