Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
