i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
