Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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