OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize