how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i was born a porn star she said
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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