C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
