Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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