Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
