I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
