rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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